On Tony Robbins and Theo Von's Chat

A thumbnail from Theo Von Clips on YouTube.

Tony Robbins joined podcast host Theo Von for an episode of This Past Weekend.

Theo Von is a stand-up comedian, podcaster, actor, and former reality TV star. I like Theo. He seems like a laid-back guy. His parents were in their latter years when Theo was born. Reminiscences about his childhood that he shares are humorous.

Across from Theo is Tony Robbins, an author, coach, speaker, and self-help guru who has inspired millions, if not billions, of people with his powerful self-help messages. His foundation has fed more than 100 million people. He is on course to provide a billion meals by 2025. Why? He came to believe strangers cared when, at the age of twelve, one fed him and his family on Thanksgiving. The impact his shows, books, and foundation have had on individuals all over the globe is something only Heaven can tell. I applaud those whose life's work is to help others, in contrast to my Christian friends who are sceptical of self-help gurus.

In this 14-minute clip, Theo opens up about his struggles with low self-worth. He claims an internal script dictates he should not take pride in himself. After Tony inquired as to how Theo would feel if he wrote down those words, "I'm proud of you," Theo said he would be ashamed by the thought of feeling proud. A few tears welled up in Theo's eyes. Theo continued to say he felt guilty about leaving those negative thoughts, as they were like family to him. He talked about how, despite how well he has done with his life, he is unable to leave his "friends" behind—the negative emotions. He felt as if he would betray them if he celebrated what he had achieved and who he had become. Again, Theo wiped his eyes. Tony, being the expert he is, let Theo finish his thoughts and then asked leading questions.

In his book, The Body Keeps the Score, the world-renowned authority on traumatic stress, Bessel van der Kolk, tells a story similar to what Theo described. A man named Tom stormed into his office and talked about how terrible his life was. Because Bessel believed in "better living through chemistry," he prescribed some anti-depressants. After two weeks, Tom came back and told Bessel he didn’t take the pills. Why, Bessel asked Tom. He replied, "I will have abandoned my friends, and their deaths will have been in vain. I need to be a living memorial to my friends who died in Vietnam."

Living in the human experience and being in the business of helping people has confirmed to me that negative thinking is a fundamental part of who we are as humans. The source of our negative thoughts? Adam and Eve. Blame them. Tony tells Theo that his negative thoughts were an old story wired into him. Tony echoed the Christian belief that we have all fallen short of who we truly are. A post on Farnam Street conveys the same idea. The author writes this: Disorder is not a mistake; it is the default. Order is always artificial and temporary.

The truth is, every single person who has ever been born on this planet has felt exactly what Theo feels. It's just that we have developed mechanisms to cope with feelings of unworthiness and low self-esteem; however, we spend 100% of our time in our negative thoughts. There were moments when I felt overwhelmed with emotion as I watched the video because I recognised myself in Theo.

Highs and lows

I bet Theo felt five inches taller and a million times richer when the conversation ended. For days, I bet he was full of good vibes. That kind of high is common after spending time with loved ones who are both wise and helpful. One gets the self-assurance to conquer everything, vanquish an army, and scale any wall. I have experienced the same after having conversations with people who love me and who want the best for me. A dopamine high might last for weeks in my system.

A few days later, or perhaps right away, though, withdrawal symptoms set in, most commonly despair. Why is that? The realisation that I must confront those demons with the knowledge I've acquired can be a terrifying prospect, and the accompanying feelings of despair are common.

Look within

I'll tell you what Tony did in attempting to assist Theo.

To change the aspects of his life that radiated negative emotions, Tony counselled Theo to look deep into himself and find alternatives to his negative thinking—the very place where the negative thoughts emerged. Tony proposed that Theo discover one positive emotion to counteract the negativity. Theo said love would be the most positive emotion, and Tony agreed, suggesting perhaps the desire for love and validation motivates their work.

Despite the attractiveness of Tony's advice, it often backfires due to the self's inherent dysfunction, which hinders any attempts at transformation. On the podcast, Tony pinned the onus of transformation on Theo, a burden often too heavy to bear.

Jesus and the gospel of grace

What if we compared Tony's offer with what Jesus has to offer? Would Theo be better off with Jesus' resources? Yes, I believe so.

Here is what Jesus offers.

In contrast to Tony, who directed Theo's attention inward to address his low self-worth, Jesus directs your attention outward, to himself.

This outward look for inside change is other-worldly or supernatural (for my Pentecostal-Charismatic peeps). Paul put it this way: And we all, with unveiled faces, are continually seeing as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, progressively being transformed into His image from [one degree of] glory to [even more] glory, which comes from the Lord, [who is] the Spirit.

It’s a mouthful, I know, I know. What Paul means is this: when we continually see Jesus, we become like what we see—we become like Jesus. How do we see him? Read the New Testament, and then seek out an expert to help you understand its meaning. This idea is repeated throughout the New Testament: we don't look within but look outside of ourselves to see Jesus, and then we are transformed.

We look outside of ourselves to see Jesus, and then we are transformed.

Even Jesus himself practiced this, looking outward for inside change. Jesus often prayed. Prayer was his reliance on outside help. Praying people are those who, at their core, realise they need help and ask for it.

Second, this outward look for inside change is also spirit-sustaining, as opposed to Tony's self-sustaining. In Theo's case, he has to sustain it himself by conjuring up those good thoughts that are unnatural to him. On days he feels low, he has to psyche himself up and remember what Tony taught him.

The Hebrew writer wrote this: Jesus sustains the world with the power of his word. Paul writes this: And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. All these writers agree that it begins with Jesus and ends with Jesus. Jesus is the start, middle, and end. He starts the transformation, does the transformation, and will finish the transformation.

Third, Jesus invites you into a community of fellow sinners—sinners who are struggling with the same issues you have. The church is a community of saved sinners who live with Jesus in full view of the world. That's why the church is often dysfunctional. The dysfunctionality of the church stems from its membership consisting of saved sinners. The world looks for perfection and disparages grace. Jesus loves the imperfect and gives them his grace.

Often, the church is compared to a hospital. Each of us is a patient, and Jesus is our physician, nurse, and pharmacist. For some, the recovery time is far shorter. Others require more time. However, neither of us ever leaves the hospital. Why? Because the wounds inflicted by sin are so great, we will always require the balm of Gilead.

Finally, our world as we know it will come to an end, but Jesus assures us that a new world will come after this. In this new world, we will have new bodies. We will be free of the crippling emotions of worthlessness and poor self-esteem. All of the good emotions that Theo described, especially love—the one Tony said Theo needs—will be amplified to an infinite degree.

I was among those who would label Christians as "too heavenly-minded and no earthly good" because I thought they were too spiritual to have any bearing on this world. I was wrong. I have realised that being heavenly-minded is the only way for me to conquer the negative thoughts that are innate to me. I now agree with Paul when he wrote, Set your mind on things above, not on things on earth.

In an earlier newsletter, I discussed how, although mental health professionals can be helpful, the real foundation for the principles they share and the best example of how to change for the better is Jesus Christ and the gospel of grace.

If you get Jesus, you get everything. With Jesus, you have resources beyond your wildest dreams. Jesus meets all your needs according to his glorious riches. Show Jesus your needs, and He will show you his endless, superabounding, excessive, extravagant, and glorious riches.

Happy Easter.

That’s what grace looks like.

---